I think I love you

I think I love you,

There, I said it

It scares me

I’ve tried to run away

To push you back

But you never leave

That’s why I think I love you

 

I wake up most mornings and wonder what you are doing

If you are thinking about me too

I smile when I think of the time we have spent together

And hope in my heart I get to see you again

 

You are the only one I want to be with

Ever

I was quite shocked when I figured that out too

I’m okay with giving up the power

Giving you control over my emotions

Because deep in my heart I believe that you love me too much to hurt me

The same way I think I love you

 

It’s sometimes really hard for me to say things like this

Because I feel like if I bare my all

You will walk away from what we have

Riddled by my own insecurities

Controlled by my fear of pain

 

I want to let that all go

I want you in my life

You and only you

I sometimes think about the fact that I could spend the rest of my life with you

By your side

In your life

And it makes me happy

 

The thought of us together

The image of you next to me

As I lay in your arms

Brings a warmth to my soul

You are my soul mate

The only one for me

So maybe I don’t think I love you

I know that I do

And I always will.

Illusion Vs. Reality

It starts out like an illusion

You see what you wish

What your mind wants you to see

What you hope deep in your mind

You view no ill

Pay no mind to bad attributes

Until they being to scratch the surface of the beautiful exterior your mind has created

Then the worry begins

You think about the time invested

The moments spent

And wonder

Was it all worth it?

A chilling thought crosses your mind

As you imagine what you have ignored

The fantasy is dead

You try and try to resuscitate it

But it is long gone

As its spirit is lifted from its body

It sees you holding on to its earthly form and laughs

It mocks you

Mocks your naivety

Your ignorance

Your stupidity

It whispers

“you knew what I was”

But you chose to pay no mind

And as you hear it

As you listen

The love dipped veil drops from your eyes

Your soul awakens to the monster this fantasy really is

The monster you have embraced

Loved

Cherished

And adored

But it is hard to let go

You are scared to go out into the world vulnerable and broken

You cannot let anyone see your scars

Let alone imagine the pain your ignorance brought you

So you cling onto the fantasy

As it claws into your skin

You embrace the scratches and bruises

Become one with the pain

The bleeding serves as a testament of your strong will

Your inability to be shaken in the face of immense danger

The bleeding never stops

It drains you

Sores permanently open

So you bleed

Till you can bleed no more

Finally it is done

And you become a shell of your original self

Short

Pure chemistry

Our bodies entwined

Our lust explodes

We shield our emotions

Only display pure attraction

Not hearts involved

Pure pink matter

Feelings stay absolute

Like pure unadulterated vodka

We drink to passion

On the rocks

 

Once in a while we imagine it might be more

But we are too comfortable in our current states

Don’t want to disrupt the tide

Steady motions

Ignore the nagging voices

The ones that tells us we are worth more than just our physical selves

Thinking about that makes things complex

We start to ask for more

To want more

But we fear that we might be let down

Our belief in our own inadequacies  keeps us lagging behind

We lose to our own insecurity

Covered with doubts of who we truly are

So we stick to lust

It is easy

Doesn’t ask for much

Shields us from pain

Hurt

Rejection

 

Happy with just being okay

Well maybe not happy

But somewhat content

A contentment that is fueled by mistrusting our own abilities

They say we sell ourselves short

But what if we don’t even really know what we are worth

To sell ourselves short

We must have some previous knowledge of where we stand

If we lack that

Then we are just selling ourselves at the price of our assumed self-worth

And if we never know our true value

We are never hurt

Are we?.....