Tired

I’m tired
As I get off the bed and look at my mistakes
Exhausted,
As I see myself walk the same path.
I keep on making the same choices
expecting a different outcome
It’s madness.

I’m tired
Of giving a shit,
Of trying to make things work,
Of always being the one to compromise.
It’s weakening to always be on the losing team,
To feel like every decision you make leads down the same route.
I am stuck in a rut,
And you just revel in my discomfort;
But I am too scared to leave,
So I keep on coming back.
I tell myself the exhaustion is the price I pay for your attention
To have you act like you give a shit
I’m just tired.

I feel drained
But I don’t see a way out
Without leaving a bit of myself behind.
It is so hard to explain the feeling I get when I’m with you
It’s a mixture of joy and fear,
Joy for being in your presence
But the fear that you will eventually leave

I think I need to go into seclusion

Be one with myself.
Understand why I am making these decisions
Get to the root of my mishaps
It’s not you,
It is definitely me.
Because you treat me the way I have set myself up to be treated
You string me along,
Like a stupid puppet
I wait…

 I’m tired of caring
I try to occupy myself with things,
Do little activities.
But as soon as you need me,
I’m there
I leave everything else behind
I don’t even turn around to wave goodbye
Too preoccupied with the attention you give me.

I’m tired of putting my life on hold for you
Of hiding my bruises
To prevent your discomfort
So I’m just gonna let it all out
Love or leave me
Want me
Or get the fuck outta here