Vow

Today I decided to take a vow of celibacy
I will start with the month of January
Then see how far I can get


Why?

 
Well, I feel like i make a lot of bad decisions when it comes to guys
And then I end up feeling underappreciated
Without realizing that I let them treat me that way
Too scared to ask for more
To demand respect

So I am going to try something different
Make them work
Learn to understand myself
What I want
What I need
Be true to who I am
Respect my body

Now I am not saying there is anything at all wrong with sex
Human beings are sexual by nature
We enjoy being touched
The sense of pleasure
The feeling of being wanted
But I believe I begun to use that feeling as a crutch
As way to protect myself
Without realizing that I was causing more harm than good

There is a deep unsettling feeling
One you get when you start talking to a guy
And you know he is only thinking about one thing
But you go along with it
Because you want to evade the loneliness
But you don’t realize that once he is gone
That loneliness will creep back in
And you end up sitting face to face
Watch it taunt you
But then you find another guy
For the meantime....

So this is what I am going to do
I am going to take sex completely off the table
And if I am not interesting enough
Then I guess that sucks for me

There will be guys that will try to stick it out
Just to get there
I might fall for it
I might wisen up
But i won't know until i try

I’ll update you
On my mistakes
My successes
And the other random stuff along the way