Unease

Opened hearts with a sense of unease
the truth is out,
now what?
I quietly wait for your next move
hoping it is to love me,
I fear the worst
anticipate rejection,
and dreaming of bliss.

As I imagine what could be,
I am quick to caution myself
limit my expectations
remind my heart that hurt is an option.

I don't really know what to do,
how to act in this emotional limbo,
I wonder if I should let go....

Should I already start to feel pain?
Prepare myself for the hurt,
is it too soon?
I just want some sort of sign
love me or hurt me.

Emotionally suffocated by the sense of unease,
my confused mind ponders.
I don't know what I expected,
but it wasn't this.
I'm looking for answers
that you don't want to give,
so all I am left with is questions.

My usual solution would be to ignore these feelings,
sweep them under my already stuffed rug;
but they linger in the front of my mind
they cloud my judgement,
overrun my ideas.
Like little parasites,
these questions drain me
latch unto my objectivity,
so every decision I make is based of the notion of us
our relationship,
our pain,
my unending struggle with the idea of who we are,
and your inability to define it.
So I wait.

But for how long,
I cant really say.
My mind has no time limit,
no cut off date.
I am scared,
will I be forever sentenced to this land of uncertainty?
Is that what loving you entails?
Is this my destiny?
Should I wait...